I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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