carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
