i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
