Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
