cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
nutella sex= disaster
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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