you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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