i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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