You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
