i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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