so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
