Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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