is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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