Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
