some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
