Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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