quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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