someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
