I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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