remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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