4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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