At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
