I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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