there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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