Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
