Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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