i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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