I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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