yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
