JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
