He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
