you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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