There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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