just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
