he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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