woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize