i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
