I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
