Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
And then he peed in my hair
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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