maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
