Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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