Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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