did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
