Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
