Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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