dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sext me about skeletons
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
