Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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