i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Quick, to the slutcave!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
