Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
