Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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