Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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