hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
