A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think my fart just growled at me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
my poor anus
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
