bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
