why didn't you poke me back
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
