tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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