I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
