Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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