the condom got lost in my hair
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize