Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
