apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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