my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize