this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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