you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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