I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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