Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
