we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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