oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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