Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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