I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
