we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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