Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
