Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
