I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
