We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
