Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize