how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
