last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
