he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize