Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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