I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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