Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I miss vodka workout Fridays
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
