I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
