Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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