Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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