Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
