remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
