doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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