my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
