how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
