Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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