I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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