you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
