Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
