Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
