My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
