Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
