I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
