My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
