I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
3 2 1 whiskey
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
