I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
