grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
it glows. i had to have it.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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