I just threw up on my dentist
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
