So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
