So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Come see our sink grown plant.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
