There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
