yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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