i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize