I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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