I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
