I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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