Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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